I have been thinking about the relationship I have with my beloved C, and I have decided that we started backwards. Most successful marriages seem to come from a long, hard-earned friendship before they turn into an intimate post-wedding life. But I am beginning to notice that our relationship did quite the opposite. When I met him for the first time, it was like we just clicked, so what was there to wait for? We jumped right into dating pretty much. I don't know if we were truly dating, but we acted like we were dating...or I did. I think I have pushed my beloved into a relationship far beyond what either of us needed.
Now I must do the unthinkable and reverse time. I need to get us back to a point where we can work on our friendship. We kind of skipped that step! We argue and fuss all the time, and I strongly feel it is because I doubt his ability to be there for me when I need him. He isn't feeling the friendship part of being my love. And the same is true for me. I'm not even sure if I love him any more because we just fight so much. I knit-pick everything about our relationship! The easiest fix seems to be just reverting to a former stage in our relationship, much like a computer will revert to a previous saved setting to save itself.
Our relationship has gone from being fun and free to being confining and prison like. I feel like I have to tell him I love him now because I have come to love his family, and in a sense I do love him. Things have just changed. I am starting to wonder how I truly feel about him. He is so predictable, and I don't like predictable things. My greatest wish is that he would sweep me off my feet. But everything is so cut and dry.
Don't get me wrong, now. I think our personalities mesh very well, if not close to perfectly. It's just so frustrating that we aren't friends. It is so difficult to talk to him about anything. I don't really like to discuss things with him, but sometimes I feel that I want to; I want him to want to listen to me. But that is probably asking for too much. I want what I see that others have with their love. The best thing would be to just be friends for awhile, but I don't think he is going to take this very well.
Now I must do the unthinkable and reverse time. I need to get us back to a point where we can work on our friendship. We kind of skipped that step! We argue and fuss all the time, and I strongly feel it is because I doubt his ability to be there for me when I need him. He isn't feeling the friendship part of being my love. And the same is true for me. I'm not even sure if I love him any more because we just fight so much. I knit-pick everything about our relationship! The easiest fix seems to be just reverting to a former stage in our relationship, much like a computer will revert to a previous saved setting to save itself.
Our relationship has gone from being fun and free to being confining and prison like. I feel like I have to tell him I love him now because I have come to love his family, and in a sense I do love him. Things have just changed. I am starting to wonder how I truly feel about him. He is so predictable, and I don't like predictable things. My greatest wish is that he would sweep me off my feet. But everything is so cut and dry.
Don't get me wrong, now. I think our personalities mesh very well, if not close to perfectly. It's just so frustrating that we aren't friends. It is so difficult to talk to him about anything. I don't really like to discuss things with him, but sometimes I feel that I want to; I want him to want to listen to me. But that is probably asking for too much. I want what I see that others have with their love. The best thing would be to just be friends for awhile, but I don't think he is going to take this very well.
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