My Genuine Thanks

Today, I would like to waste some time by sending out my thanks to the three wonderful drivers that allowed me easy entrance into their lanes on the busiest highway in my hometown. Come  5pm, traffic becomes unbearably claustrophobic. I have had many drivers bring out the worst in me at this particular entrance ramp. Well, last Friday, I was just getting off work, and I wasn't in the greatest of moods. The work day had dragged on, and I didn't have any good plans until Saturday. Needless to say, I was testy.
So here I am going up the ramp at a terribly sluggish rate, and I can see the string of cars lining the lane I need to get into is bumper to bumper.There is little to no chance that I am getting over on my own accord. Once I get up there, though, the nicest person lets me over without giving pretense to running me over. I finger wave. The next lane is my new goal. I turn my blinker on again. And like a good samaritan, someone else quickly lets me over. This continues into my third lane. These kind people didn't do anything big, like save a child from a burning building.  What they did was almost bigger. There was no sure way of knowing they would be recognized for their act of kindness in letting a young woman over three lanes, so that she could get home with ease-also allowing her to see her love one extra day before he got his travelling job. How could they have known that their act of letting me in would contribute to me helping my mother cook dinner? They couldn't have. Better yet how could they know that they would make my day?
It's simple acts of kindness that restored my faith in humanity. I know that probably seems menial to most, but it would be marvelous to see the world fulfill acts of kindness like this all the time. Acts that don't require thanks, nor do they boast how good of a task they are. Just simple tasks that can brighten someone's day by showing them kindness. Kindness-something that just doesn't seem at all as prevalent as it once was. WIth acts of kindness, the world's heartstrings could be pulled together and formed into an intricate bow of love, wrapping us all in it's beauty. Again, I thank you fellow drivers. :)

When Life Gives You Persimmons

My love recently found a job that favors him more than I can begin to describe. He loves that he might get to ride in the helicopter. He loves the places he'll get to go. He loves that he won't be behind a desk all day. But he has to drive SO much! Saturday, he drove to El Paso, and he won't be home for at least seven days or more. Call me a sentimentalist, but I have become very attached to him. This whole travel thing has been very hard on me. Not only had I just gotten him home where we could work on our deeper relationship when he got the job, but our relationship was still on the rocks. The worst time, in my opinion, for him to be travelling is when I am trying to get things straight in my head. But God or somebody had other plans.
So here we are. I am thankful that he found a job with  such great benefits-he keeps the perdium  he doesn't use, but I am not excited about  the timing. If this had just come a little later. Now he is quick to pick up on my sadness when he calls. He promises me this is not a job he wants to do for long. I don't see how he really has a choice. Besides, how could he ask for something better? This is exactly what he wanted.
Then, I reflect on how I feel about my job. The job I landed was exactly what I was looking for in that it offered me a great place to start, amazing benefits, and above minimum wage pay all while keeping me less than 30 minutes from home-if you don't count traffic time. It was truly wonderful to have gotten this job after so much rejection and negativity everywhere I turned. However, now I am beginning to become restless. This position holds no promise of getting heavier in work, nor does it have anything stimulating for  me to do. I have grown tired of the position I once loved. I figure my love and I are in the exact same boat.
The point of this blog is that sometimes you get something that you think is a blessing, but you soon find yourself tiring of it. During these instances, it is important to keep an end goal in mind. Research to find a time period that you must get through before you can change and still maintain efficiency. For instance, if I change jobs now, I lose my state benefits. So it is easier for me to just stay in my position for a year until I can move within the system. Sometimes life gives you persimmons, and you just have to pollish them down to pears until you can have something tastier.

My Profession

This, I will make short and sweet. I have already taken up enough of your time with my sill ramblings about my boyfriend. However, this one is different. This is for him, at a future date. When I can actually enjoy the moment, and bask in the afterglow of a job well-done. This is for when he finally has a place of his own without nosy parents to peek in, and we make it our own. This is for how much I love him, not you the reader. This is for every wrong I've ever done him. This is for everything we do right, but mostly for everything he does right.

My love, I just want you to know that this week, you have done so much that repaired my doubts and confusion about our relationship. You shouldn't worry. I knew I loved you. I was just confused as to the exact nature of my love. I had misgivings about whether or not you would be able to pull through. When all along I should have been worrying about me: what could I change to be better suited to you. The answer was to expect nothing. I'd built up all these expectations of what I thought you should be, and when I crumbled those, started living my own life, you became more than I could have hoped for. This week, you have had four incidents that made me want you so badly. First, when you told me you were planning on surprising me by coming home. You know I always love it when you make a special trip just to see me...and you told your MOM! :D Then, you told me you were going to take me out on Saturday. You made a special plan just for the two of us, after we hang out with friends during the day. I even liked that you got upset at me for trying to guess the restaurant. A day later, I find out a dear friend may plan a Christmas cocktail party, so I asked if you'd be interested in attending. You gave the best answer-an answer that no other guy I have hung out with would give: "Honestly, I would be interested in going anywhere with you." God, it made me tear up again! Seriously, someone must be following me with that invisible stinking onion. And last, but certainly not least, I was worried that tonight we would not be able to talk on the phone before I passed out from exhaustion. You assured me that "it should be easy to give [me] that call." Dang it, man! You have got the moves this week. Maybe its just because I am not PMS'ing this week, or the whole surprise has gotten me in a tremendously good mood. Whatever the reason, you have said all the right things this week. And I love you for that. I think that if we can have moments like this interspersed when I am feeling doubtful, I could live with that. You gave me exactly what I needed. Like always. :) You just come in at exactly the right moment, ever time. And I love you for that, too.

Forget What I Said Before

      Sometimes, I have these moments where I realize I am a complete idiot when it comes to relationships. As is the case with the man I love. I was rereading my previous post, and I was reminded just why I love blogging so much. The previous post was discussing how my beloved and I do not communicate well, nor do we have a firm friendship. Well, what the fuck was I thinking? Of course we have a friendship. Why else would we get along so well? Not many people can sit and listen to someone talk about cars for hours at a time, or even printing. SO, I have been convinced again of my love for this man.

        It is so funny to me how easily my mind was changed. I was sitting at work (in which I get paid to do absolutely nothing, so I am forced to be a bad employee), reading a blog about how to be your own boyfriend. If you are interested, the blog is crazygirlnation.com. The specific post I was reading was describing ways a woman can prevent herself from becoming too reliant on a man. Just what I needed considering my previous state of emotions. Well, to be honest, that post perked me right up! I was feeling great. I even ignored him for the most part of a day on Friday. I didn't ask to be called, nor did I offer to call him the whole weekend, so we went without a phone call for about three consecutive days. Come Monday night, when we finally talked, I was bragging about how I had plans for 4 consecutive weekends that involved all girlfriends. I am still pretty proud of myself for that one. He asked what my plan for this Friday was and I told him: I'm going to a play with a couple of my former roommates, which may possibly turn into a slumber party afterwards for old times' sake. I don't know if he got jealous, or if he just really missed me; he told me "Well, I am coming home this weekend. I was going to surprise you, but I didn't want you to make plans for the whole weekend." The boy who never wanted to make plans with me has transformed into a man of my dreams!
          Not only did he make plans to surprise me, which he told his mother about! He also made plans to take me geocacheing (which, as many of my friends may have guessed, is not my favorite activity, but I can find enjoyment in it because I know he likes it a lot), and after he is taking me to a surprise dinner. However, he has greatly underestimated my ability to pry information from him and my deductive reasoning skills, because I am pretty sure I have figured out where he is to take me for our dinner. :) He still has not realized that it is difficult to surprise a math major. But to be fair, I told him I wouldn't ask him any more about it, in hopes that it truly will be a surprise. He worked so hard on it, I don't want to ruin it!
          So ladies, the point of this post is to apologize to him without him knowing it, AND I also want you to know that with a little bit of change you can accomplish heaps of things. All I had to do was change my attitude and perspective on my relationship; suddenly, I am getting exactly what I wanted! I do like to say the easiest way to get something you want is to perform a selfless act for someone else. Which, out of context makes no sense, whatsoever. I had someone call me out on it. But if you forget about wanting something, and just compromise, things get accomplished. Just remember, your S.O. is not perfect, but neither are you. There are things that maybe you need to change about yourself, before you can expect things to change in your relationship.
         Well, that is my relationship advice for....forever. I hate giving relationship advice. Just go read truewifeconfessions.com. That will make you feel so much better about yourself, and your spouse/S.O. Also, things like crazygirlnation.com make good, short advice columns. Especially when your boss hires you to do nothing but answer 25 phone calls in eight hours.

Just Friends

     I have been thinking about the relationship I have with my beloved C, and I have decided that we started backwards. Most successful marriages seem to come from a long, hard-earned friendship before they turn into an intimate post-wedding life. But I am beginning to notice that our relationship did quite the opposite. When I met him for the first time, it was like we just clicked, so what was there to wait for? We jumped right into dating pretty much. I don't know if we were truly dating, but we acted like we were dating...or I did. I think I have pushed my beloved into a relationship far beyond what either of us needed.
    Now I must do the unthinkable and reverse time. I need to get us back to a point where we can work on our friendship. We kind of skipped that step! We argue and fuss all the time, and I strongly feel it is because I doubt his ability to be there for me when I need him. He isn't feeling the friendship part of being my love. And the same is true for me. I'm not even sure if I love him any more because we just fight so much. I knit-pick everything about our relationship! The easiest fix seems to be just reverting to a former stage in our relationship, much like a computer will revert to a previous saved setting to save itself.
     Our relationship has gone from being fun and free to being confining and prison like. I feel like I have to tell him I love him now because I have come to love his family, and in a sense I do love him. Things have just changed. I am starting to wonder how I truly feel about him. He is so predictable, and I don't like predictable things. My greatest wish is that he would sweep me off my feet. But everything is so cut and dry.
    Don't get me wrong, now. I think our personalities mesh very well, if not close to perfectly. It's just so frustrating that we aren't friends. It is so difficult to talk to him about anything. I don't really like to discuss things with him, but sometimes I feel that I want to; I want him to want to listen to me. But that is probably asking for too much. I want what I see that others have with their love. The best thing would be to just be friends for awhile, but I don't think he is going to take this very well.

The True Life of the American Teenager

                  As a parent, you are entitled to feelings of superiority on this issue; however, I beg you to hear me out. While I do not have children by blood, I do have friends in high school, and I would like to give them voices. You may feel that, as a parent, you are superior to your child. You know more than he/she could ever hope to know. This is certainly true, fore with age comes knowledge. In this world of unbounded technological advancement, though, it is important for you to keep up with what your child is exposed to. The media of the world is targeted towards young adults, these days, and I guarantee you it isn't painting an accurate picture of life.
               I have seen the shows "The Secret Life Of The American Teenager" to know that high school is being portrayed completely differently than what it really is. The teenage life on television is full of convenience and self centered compulsion! You may have noticed that there has been not only an increase in teen pregnancy, but a drastic drop in the age of teen pregnancies. This is probably because television, radio, and peers are all shoving sex in the faces of these teenagers as much as possible. You should be very worried about what your child is being exposed to! I mean, I grew up in an age where mini skirts and midriff tops were fashionable, so I can honestly say that sex appeal is the number one goal in high schools.
               To counter balance this, my suggestion is to converse with your child; take an active interest in his/her life and interests. I know this is the hardest step of being a parent. You don't want to be too controlling, and how do you stay interested when all he/she wants to reply are one word answers? Well, that is solely up to you. But don't fret. Just maintain good parenting skills. Keep up with them, no matter what. One day, your children will greatly appreciate it; I know I have. Besides, studies have shown that parents that keep a good balance of discipline and interest are far more likely to have successful children.

              Speaking of successful children, another problem in high school is the constant barrage of cliquey segregation and self deprecating images. Your child will possible be discouraged by the way he/she is not socially accepted into one group of friends or another. Make sure you know more than your fair share about what people your child interacts with. Assure your child that he/she is beautiful, and compliment him/her. Don't fail to point out the good things your child has going for him/her. Also, please, parents, please make sure you set him/her straight on what high school is really about. Make sure your child knows that high school is not about friends. It is preparing you for further education and the work force, just like in the old days. If your child has time to worry about what the other children are wearing, then maybe he/she needs some encouraging words from a family friend. Let your child know that the clothes you wear and the friends you have will all go in and out of fashion, grow old, and leave you on your own one day. What is truly important are the decisions your children make about their education. Encourage your child to look to the future. Maybe get him/her to sign up for volunteer programs, join an honor society, etc. Don't focus too much on grades, because type A children can have major psychological issues, but focus on what he/she can do now to prepare him/her for the future. Above all, just maintain that parental encouragement. That is the best thing you can do for your child. Don't push them into a corner, but definitely know their strengths and weaknesses.

               All of this being said, I know it makes little sense to listen to what I say. I am simply a college grad. What do I know about parenting?? Absolutely nothing. I only know from hindsight what I think I could have used more of as a teenager. A child needs multiple hands to guide him/her because there are many more hands pushing him/her in the wrong directions. That's why I say you should recruit friends and family as mentors. As well as coaches, leaders, etc. Just know where you stand as your child's only defense from the cruel world, and most of all learn from others' mistakes. Thank you for your time. I hope you find this blog insightful, if not enjoyable.

It's A Jungle Out There

     For about four months, now, I have been searching desperately for a job. I had no idea what I wanted to do, at all. I applied for just about every job that I met the requirements for. Most of you recent graduates know exactly what I'm talking about when I say that this new economy sucks! There are absolutely no good jobs available. So I prayed and I prayed...And I prayed some more. I prayed that I'd find a job. I prayed that the job would find me. And finally, I prayed that the job would just fall in my lap. After all my many prayers, I started thinking about what I really wanted to do with my life. And I decided that I wanted to go back to school. Who is the best company to work for when you want your company to pay for grad school? A college/university, of course!
      I began applying for any university jobs I could. A college close by was exceptionally desirable, so I applied for all that met that requirement. One day, I was especially disinterested in the job search, but I resolved myself to look and apply for just ONE job that I thought sounded especially interesting. That's exactly what I did. See, when I set a goal, I feel the need to meet that goal. Usually, I don't put time limits on my goals, though. haha! Anyways, I found a job at a university near my home for an office services specialist. It sounded perfect. You just needed a GED and a year of experience. A college grad should certainly be able to meet those standards, right? Yes! So, I applied.
      Well, weeks went by of searching for other jobs. Applying for jobs with companies I knew nothing about. It got tiresome. I had basically given up. Months went by. I was exhausted! It is really terrible when you apply for over a hundred jobs and some of them don't even have the decency to tell you they aren't interested. And on top of that, it's very painful when company after company says "We regret to inform you that further consideration can not be extended at this time." What does that even mean?? I qualified for the job, but you can't even give me a chance? Trust me, there were many nights where colorful language was used towards said companies.
       Every day, I continued to check my email, only to be disappointed; until, finally. I got some positive news. And guess which job it was from! You got that right, the office services specialist, which only paid $8.50 an hour. It wasn't anything that I was super excited about when I applied, but after all the rejections, an interview for a barely above minimum wage job sounded like Nirvana! So I emailed the manager back informing her of when I was available for an interview.
      At the interview, I arrived about 25 minutes early, dressed in my dark pantsuit (in 95 degree weather). I had applied my make up in the car, and I could feel it melting on my face as I sat nervously reading a Good Parenting magazine. Several employees passed me, and I smiled politely, giving them a courteous nod of the head. Then, she walked up. The angel of my dreams! A bright, friendly woman called out "Cayman? Hi, I'm Shelly." I grasped her hand and dumbfounded, I introduced myself. As if she didn't know my name. She escorted me to her office where I took a seat and awaited the barrage of questions. I was not prepared for what came next.
      She asked me about my skills and my weaknesses. She asked me what I had to offer the university. I mean, it was pretty typical as far as what I'd heard interviews were supposed to be. She asked me if I had any questions. I reviewed my list of questions I had for her, and checked them off as I asked. The really weird part, the part I wasn't prepared for, was how well we got along. I felt more like I was discussing a potential best friend rather than a potential job. That, I felt, had to be a good sign.
     When the interview was over, an hour and a half later, I thanked her and she explained that it would be a few weeks before I heard anything. The first choice would be notified, then background checks would begin. So I went home, and I prepared to be turned down once again. I went back at my job search with added fervor. Then, I prayed. I prayed that no job offers that would hinder His progress would come available or write me back. And sure enough, I didn't get a single affirmative email or phone call after that interview. I continued to pray and wait, wait and pray. It was exhausting, again.
       The Wednesday after Labor Day, I was sitting at my computer writing a blog. I was very proud of my blog. I felt good. I was just complaining to a friend about how the job was taking too long to respond back. That I must not have been the first choice. She assured me that it was probably just taking a long time because of the weather; not to mention, Labor Day weekend probably didn't help. Then, my phone started vibrating. I assumed it was a text. Then on the fourth buzz, I realized it was a call. So I ran to pick it up. Unrecognized number! Could it be? I pick up. "Hello?" "Hello. I'm looking for Cayman," the voice said, distantly. "This is she." Silence. "Hello?" "Hi," the voice said, closer now, "Is this Cayman?" "Yes, this is she." "This is Carrie from U. of so and so. I am calling because I need your consent to do a background check for the O.S.S. position." "OOOH, yes." "You need to go to your email, and open up the Background Check consent. Fill it out and hit save. It will come back here, automatically." "Ok, no problem." "Ok, have a good day." "You too! Thank you!" CLICK. I proceeded to jump up and down, waving my arms so wildly, I almost knocked over a coat rack. I could not contain the energy from my excitement. Finally, after four months, I had gotten somewhere. It was a step in the right direction. I still didn't have the job.
        A day passed, and I had no word from the University. I considered writing them, but I figured I would give them a few days. Then, today, I open my email to see what I'd gotten. Lo and behold, my interviewer had messaged me. She just wanted to let me know where we were in the hiring process, and it would be a couple days before they got the results back. Thank you for your patience, she said. I sent her a message in return, stating that I was more than happy to be patient for such an excellent position. Approximately an hour later, she sent back the best news I have ever received: "Good news, Cayman. We'd like to offer you the position...Let me know when you can start. Have a great weekend." I was ecstatic! Normally, I am very logical about my reactions. This was in no way logical. I ran around the house like a dog straight out of the bathtub. Then I called everyone I knew. They congratulated me, of course, but even the congratulations could not ebb my awesome excitement at the news. I could not be tamed!
       Anyways, all of this is to say, with a little prayer and dedication, you can do anything! Even if it takes months. Thank you for your time.